Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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