I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
