people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
FUCK WHALES
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
