Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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