I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
