Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
