What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
