He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
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