I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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