You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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