this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
