This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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