hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
