Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
