now i know why i became what i already was.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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