maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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