would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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