So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
