Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
