Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
