why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's blow job season.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
