I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
