I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
