I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
