I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
