If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize