omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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