I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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