I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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