I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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