Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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