I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
