he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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