dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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