"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
