I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
