good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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