Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
