i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
