so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
