Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
