She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
