Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
