if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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