she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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