apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize