The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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