Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
