Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
