hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize