she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
