I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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