Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
