Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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