He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
