I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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