Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize
