I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
