I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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