I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I have demons in me.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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