I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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