my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
