Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
